Hi Honey, I'm Online...

1 in 4 say internet can replace a spouse, says poll

I don't know what you personally expect from a spouse, but apparently "the internet" can perform all those functions for you, according to a recent poll that found 24 percent of Americans believe the internet "can serve as a substitute for a significant other for some period of time."

The poll was conducted by two firms: research company Zogby International and PR consultant 463 Communications. There were 9,743 adults polled online and the companies claims there's an error margin of plus or minus 1 percent.

Slashdot poster Sully_51 pointed out on a forum discussion that a poll conducted online probably can't truly reflect the attitudes of all Americans -- it only reflects the attitudes of those Americans who already use the internet.

Furthermore, we really need to know what percentage of these poll respondents are single to begin with. How many have never been married? Are they qualified in their life experience to compare a significant other to the internet?

When I think of the internet's functionality, I think of communication: e-mails, social networking sites, forums, discussion groups, etc. I think of information: news, blogs, videos, columns, easily-sorted research, etc. I think of art: self-expression in many forms, commercial and amateur. And, of course, we all think of porn online--even though here in America our top google searches have more to do with sports or history than porn.

When I think of a spouse's functionality within a relationship, I think of love: romantic dinners once in a while, emotional support, companionship, etc. I think of sex, and the physiological benefits as well as emotional benefits of that. I think of household affairs: chores, maintenance, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc. I think of stability: jobs, home, health.

Where do the two overlap? What can you find online from the above list? You can't get help with chores at all online. You can't really find sex online, though if porn or cyber-sex is all you want, I guess you don't need a significant other for that. You can find companionship online, sure, with other real people... but that is replacing one real person with another as opposed to replacing them with the internet. And is online companionship really anything like spousal companionship?

By my experience, "Internet friends" chat with each other, give each other advice, and have fun online together. But you only really see someone online when they want to be seen - when they feel like talking, and when they have chosen to spend time with you. You don't have to deal with each other after a hard day at work, or when you are grumpy because the dog ate your couch. You never have to fight about who will do the dishes.

Does that sound ideal to the internet-using population of America? Perhaps that eliminates some of the challenges of living with another person and allows a relationship to be more perfect. But won't it be less rewarding?

According to the poll, 78 percent of adults between the ages of 18 and 24 have social networking profiles, and that more than a fourth of all Americans have profiles. To quote the breakdown:

More Democrats have a social networking presence than Republicans (32% to 22% ). But few Americans say it plays a large role in their identity as a person. Only 14% say the Internet is an important part of what they consider to be their identity; 68% responded it’s just how they identity themselves online; it’s not really who they are.

That suggests the people polled already know their internet selves are different from their real selves. Right away we're starting out with a false base on which to build a meaningful relationship. If you fall in love with someone's online face, how can you know that's who they really are? How can you expect them to understand who you really are? How is that rewarding?

Relationships are not easy. Living with another human being has many challenges. Despite that, I suspect most of America knows the amorphous body of knowledge and lies called the internet cannot replace the companionship of a real human being.

Honey, I'm home!