Making worthy enemies

You lied to me.

You insult my intelligence on a regular basis.

You steal from me, and you kill my friends.

You and I are enemies, George W. Bush.

...Phew. It feels good to get that off my chest! Thanks to my new Facebook application, "Enemybook," I have announced to the world how our president "done me wrong."

"An antisocial utility that disconnects you to the so-called friends around you," is the slogan for this application. Its creator, 28-year-old Kevin Matulef, is the most common profile marked as an "enemy," followed by George W. Bush and the band Coldplay, according to a Boston Globe story. Republican Ann Coulter comes in fourth.

The application, which lets you friend the enemies of your enemies, was really designed as a backlash to the unreal numbers of people who "friend" each other on Facebook, but don't really know each other. It started as a joke in the MIT dorm rooms, Matulef said.

However it started, though, some people are taking it seriously. Embittered ex's are complaining about each other publicly with it. The creator of a similar application called Snubster told the Boston Globe two people involved in a lawsuit were snubbing each other... and eventually the snubs had to be removed.

Petty squabbles? My ex hooked up with my roommate so I hate her? Blech! Talk about a boring show! At least supervillians have an interesting relationship with their goodie-two-shoes counterparts. We can count on cinema or comic book enemies to exchange theatrical threats, to plot cunning, dastardly foils, and to circle each other, eyes narrowed and weapons drawn, respectful yet cautious, taking turns gaining the upper hand in a conflict based on a difference in morals. Much more sophisticated and enlightening for everyone involved than a pair of sour lovers craning their necks out of a whispering huddle of rumor-mongering facebook friends to occasionally glare at one another from across the room.

We can't all have supervillian enemies, but we can get creative. Dubya's been done before - he makes a good symbolic enemy. But why not create foe profiles for things like "pollen," "traffic," or even "illiteracy?"

A group such as Room to Read, a nonprofit group that funds libraries and book publishing in rural communities throughout Nepal, could make a whole PR debacle out of it by inviting folks to mark Illiteracy as their enemy. To follow up, people could donate to the cause... and create a whole new meaning to the phrase "the enemy of my enemy is my friend." They could build a network of "enemies" dedicated to foiling a particular social ill.

It would be a way to be positive with something negative. I like the idea of choosing my enemies. I really like the idea of having enemies that are worth my time. And I think there's something to the idea of personifying a social ill as a supervillian. It makes for a good relationship. Our exchanges would go something like this:

"You'll never catch me!" cries Illiteracy, as he cackles with wickedness and steals another child's future by denying it an education.

"Wrong again, Mr. Illiteracy. This time I know your weakness!" I shout as I bonk him on the head with a book. The book bounces off his newly-detached head and soars into the child's outstretched hands, who cheers for me. I high-five the sidekick researchers who discovered my nemesis's weakness.

Pretty cool, don't you think?